Late Night Thoughts

I can not express how happy I will be for the summer to be over and my husband to be home every night! I have tried so hard to get over my fear of sleeping alone and I haven’t been successful.  I even tire myself out during the day hoping that I will just pass out when I hit the pillow, but it doesn’t work. Now my body has become so accustomed to not going to sleep until 2 am that even when he is home I can’t go to sleep until 2. I then wake up early because it gets really bright in our room and am then exhausted all day; but what do you know, the night rolls around and I can’t sleep once again.

This makes me be is the worst mood and I get nothing done. Every little thing upsets me and I find myself crying over little things like spilling water (apparently I have turned into Mrs. Butterfingers, I drop things all the time).

I basically wake up and instantly feel like I have been up for twelve hours. I sit on the couch a watch “Rules of Engagement” one of my new favorite shows. They have re-runs at 10 am on TBS on weekdays. During commercials I make either eggs or oatmeal and then I go to work.

Work has been awful this week: 1) because i’m exhausted so I move slower than normal and people (guests/co-workers) get on my nerves really easily, 2) we have all of a sudden gotten really busy but we don’t have enough people on the floor so we continually get our butts kicked, 3) because the weather has been so hot/muggy outside that it is seeping into the restaurant, which makes us sweat really bad while working. I feel so disgusting when I get off work it is awful, and it is no fun to wait on tables when you are pouring in sweat and your clothes are sticking to you.

After work I am even more tired and once I get home and get showered all I want is a nap. I force myself to stay awake though because I know it will make it even harder for me to sleep. I know that sleep isn’t the only thing making me so tired, I haven’t been all that hungry and only really eat breakfast and then eat after work and sometimes I don’t eat dinner so it’s probably not the healthiest. I also get these splitting migraines; now this is normal for me I also get a few every week but lately it is every day and they last until I go to sleep. Nothing I normally do is working anymore.

I lay in bed for several hours physically exhausted but it always takes me several hours to get comfortable and finally get to sleep. My lower back has also started hurting me lately. I’m hoping that its just a phase because I am kind of depressed on the whole job hunt front. I am trying so hard to just give it all to God, but it is easier said than done.

Luckily I am off work for Memorial Day Monday and we are going to go visit our families. It is definitely what I need; to get out of the town and have some Husband Wife time as well as family time. I also get to see my adorable little nephew who turned a month old yesterday. I haven’t seen him since he was three days old which makes me sad.

Speaking of babies, I am having the biggest baby fever phase ever! I have had it for a while but it has never been this bad, I have been reading birth stories and breastfeeding advice it is crazy. Before this phase started I was all for the epidural during labor but I’m thinking I would love to try it naturally for as long as I could. The experiences of women with an epidural and those that have it naturally are so different. I know it will be a while before we start having kids but I just wanted to put this thought out there.

Well it is 2:21 am and I know I should probably attempt to go to sleep again. I think i’m turning into my mom. She has always had trouble staying asleep and I guess i’m the opposite. I can stay asleep once I pass out but getting there is my problem.

I have a big day ahead of me, I have to work of course but I also have to get our apartment in order. It is complete chaos. I have been slacking so much this week because of the way I have been feeling, but I think its really starting to wear on Bobby. He hates coming home to an apartment that looks like a tornado went through it, which makes me feel like a bad wife.

Sweet dreams,

-The Moody Housewife

A Time For Everything

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

    a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
    a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
    a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
    a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
    a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
    a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
    a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

                                     Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

This has been my favorite bible verse for as long as I can remember. It is my go to verse when I am depressed, worried, sad and anything in between. It reminds me that God has a time for everything in  my life and he is in control; it fixes these awful feelings almost immediately.

This week it isn’t working so fast and we aren’t even to Wednesday yet. It is only Tuesday night and I am more physically and emotionally exhausted than I have felt in at least two years.

Let me just give you a run down of my life for the past week and a half. 

The first “frown” moment of the summer:

I have always dreamed of the day I would finally be done with my education and on to my career. When the day came, it wasn’t how I had dreamed. I walked the stage at my college commencement at approximately 4:45 pm on Sunday, May 12, 2013. It still didn’t feel real to me for several days. I couldn’t believe that I had graduated college, a moment I had been dreaming about for five years. Following commencement my mom took me, my brother and two sisters, my grandparents and an old family friend who was kind of like my nanny when I was really young out to a celebratory dinner. It turned out far from the graduation celebration I had envisioned. My aunt and cousin, the one who is getting married, also attended my graduation. My cousin has been having some medical and health issues since the beginning of this year and wasn’t really up to coming to dinner, which I totally understand and don’t hold against her one bit.

What really made it “different” from my vision was my husband; he was sick with a sinus infection. He had gotten sick about two days prior to commencement and felt pretty awful that day.  Normally when my husband is sick I baby him like none other (probably not the best idea), but this time around I was so busy I didn’t have time. Finals had just finished and I was trying to put our apartment back in order, because my grandparents wanted to see it; and we had a School’s Out party with our Sunday School group which was a graduation party for me, but there were so many other people in school I didn’t want it focused only on me (but I really appreciate everyone wanting to do it for me). My husband was to sick to come to this, which made me sad. I didn’t mean to go down a bunny trail; my mind is just everyone at the moment.

Because my husband was sick he didn’t come to my graduation celebration dinner. I know he felt awful, and it was probably selfish of me, but I wanted him there so badly. We have be en through so much together since the beginning of our relationship 5 1/2 years ago and this was a milestone that I wanted to share with him; but I didn’t get to. 

The second “frown” moment of the summer:

The week itself didn’t start out bad: Monday I worked, Tuesday I helped my cousin with her bridal portraits, Wednesday I worked (probably one of the worst shifts I have ever had to endure); then Thursday hit. On Thursday final grades posted. Even though I wasn’t worried it still felt good to see the passing grades, nothing lower than a B.

I then go look at degree progress report, to make sure my credits are all completed and overridden. Because I am in a previous catalog my credits got all messed up, but I was assured by my adviser that once grades came out it would fix itself. Of course it didn’t, no surprise there. I call and talk to the same lad,y who is never any help, and she says give it till the end of the day. I not only give it the day, I give it four days.

The weekend is pretty uneventful; on Sunday my husband and I celebrate our monthiversary, which I really needed after my week. On Monday I looked at my degree report again and it hasn’t been fixed so I call again. The guy, who actually knows what he is talking about, tells me that all the paper work has been sent over where it should be and to check again on Wednesday. Hopefully tomorrow morning all the red ink on my degree report will be gone! If it doesn’t get resolved by Friday, I won’t be considered a graduate.  

The third “frown” moment of the summer:

Before graduation I got an interview opportunity that I was really excited about, until I did some research into the company to prepare for the interview. I found out the job was a scam (may have mentioned this before), and canceled it. I was really bummed, after filling out tons and tons of applications I had finally gotten an interview, and then it was just gone. 

The fourth “frown” moment of the summer:

As I have said weight loss is one of my goals for this summer, but since I graduated I can no longer work out at the university rec center unless I pay $85 a semester, which is fine for the fall, but for the summer it is ridiculous. So I haven’t been able to work out for about a week and a half now, which doesn’t help my mood at all. 

The fifth “frown” moment of the summer:

Within the past few days reality has set in. All of a sudden I have all this pressure on me to find a job that utilizes my degree and provides us with a little more financial stability. Out of all the other “frowns,” this is the one that I has been the hardest to get rid of. I am terrified that I won’t find a job, that I won’t make my family proud. Yes, they are proud that I graduated from college, but now every time I talk to anyone they ask, “Have you found a job yet?” or “Any luck in the job department yet?”

The worst though is my when my husband asks me, that is where I feel the most pressure. I love him to death and I can’t imagine life without him, but he isn’t the best judge of what I need him to be for me at certain times in my life. He asks the same questions, the first time my answer was just a simple “No, not yet.” But after the third time my answer became “Don’t you think I would have told you if I had?” 

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I feel like I have been on a soap box, but I really needed to get this off my chest. I have been so down. I have no energy what so ever, partially because I can’t sleep because my husband is out of town half the week and partially because of all the pressure. I feel like I am constantly worrying about disappointing everyone. 

The first “smile” moment of the summer:

On the up side of the summer I started my first book of my summer reading list “13 Reasons Why,” it is so interesting not at all what I expected, but it has been a great escape from reality. Even though I am only about a quarter of the way through it, I highly recommend it!

The second “smile” moment of the summer:

Earlier I mentioned my husband and I celebrated our monthiversary. We stole this idea from a couple at our church, but I love it. Every month on the date we got married we go on a date night. This way we are guaranteed a date night/day at least once a month. No excuses allowed, we have to do something together unless one of us is out of town in which case we do it the day before or after.  They are nothing fancy just dinner and a movie, or an ice cream date just spending time together. I always look forward to them. 

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I didn’t realize I had so much to get off my chest but it feels so much better. I have been on the verge of tears all day and have even broke down a couple of times. I do want to apologize to my wonderful husband for the mood I have been in lately. I am doing my best to get out of it. 

I hope the rest of the week improves, we shall see. 

-The Moody Housewife

 

 

                                                              

 

 

2 Hour Newborn Hat

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My nephew was born on April 23, 2013. He arrived in the world at 2:57 p.m. I arrived at the hospital at 11:30 a.m. My wonderful sister-in-law had a beautiful baby boy, Carlos Jaxon aka CJ. I made sure to bring something to do to pass the time while we waited for him to arrive. I brought my crochet stuff and decided to make him a hat. Somehow I had brought yarn that matched his going home outfit, so it worked out really well.

This is the pattern I used.

Round 1: With color 1, ch 4, 8 dc in fourth ch from hook (3 skipped chs counts as first dc); join with slip st to first dc: 9 dc
Round 2: Ch 3 (counts as first dc now and for the rest of pattern), dc in same st, 2 dc in next dc and in each dc around; join with slip st to first dc: 18 dc
Round 3: Ch 3, dc in same st and in next dc, *2 dc in next dc, dc in next dc* around; join with slip st to first dc: 27 dc
Round 4: Ch 3, dc in same st and in next 2 dc, *2 dc in next dc, dc in next 2 dc* around; join with slip st to first dc: 36 dc
Round 5: Ch 3, dc in same st and in next 3 dc, *2 dc in next dc, dc in next 3 dc* around; join with slip st to first dc: 45 dc
Round 6 – 9: Ch 3, dc in next dc and in each dc around; join with slip st to first dc; finish off
Round 10: Join color 2 with sc in same st as joining; sc in next dc and in each dc around; join with skip st to first sc
Round 11-12: Ch 1, sc in same st and in each sc around; join with slip st to first sc; finish off
Round 13: With color 1 join with sc in same st as joining; sc in next sc and in sc around; join with slip st to first sc; finish off.

It was a little big, but he will grow into it fast.

-The Moody Houswife